Predictions for the year ahead
Many of the world’s news media are bringing out their forecasts for 2019 and, rather than be accused of cowardice, we are rising to the challenge — hoping as always that nobody will check them at the end of the year.
Starting locally, we predict that a regular correspondent to this page will make a shock bid for the mayoralty at the local body election in October. We are not releasing any further clues, but keep the names Bob, Winston and John in mind.
The Tuia Encounters 250 commemorations also in October will be a success locally but gain little outside coverage because of a simultaneous visit to Rotorua by Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.
Gisborne District Council will go into public excluded at every possible opportunity. (Yes, that’s a no-brainer, we have just put it in to improve our accuracy percentage.)
Donald Trump will withdraw from the United Nations and, in a cost-saving move, will replace his cherished border wall with a moat formed by damming the Rio Grande.
Slightly more out of left field, the Democrats will nominate George Clooney as their presidential candidate — as if they needed help capturing the women’s vote.
The Australian cricketers, with their three ball-tampering exiles returned to the fold, will take a pledge to avoid sledging opponents altogether. Other teams will refuse their request to form a circle at the start of matches and sing Kumbaya. Australia will not make the Cricket World Cup final in July.
Media outlets will hold an intensive bidding war for pictures of the christening of Richie and Gemma McCaw’s daughter Charlotte. No word at present about baby Neve in that respect.
Freed of the steadying hand of Dave Conway, new Herald chief sub-editor Chris Taewa will attempt a new record for puns and double entendre in headlines. Don’t worry, your editor will be watching.
Meanwhile, newly-retired sports reporter John Hill will take up darts and defeat Michael van Gerwen in the final of the world championships.
But the big one is whether the All Blacks can pull off a three-peat by winning the Rugby World Cup in November. The good news for Steve and the team is that we say yes.