Money, money, money – it’s a rich team’s world
Morals or money.
That’s the dilemma Team Purple face on The Block NZ after Gizzy Hard’s Amy Moore and Stu Watts upped the games(wo)manship on last night’s episode of the renovation reality TV series.
Purple’s Chlo and Em won The Block Stars challenge with their Clown Girls In The Ring circus act.
All four teams were required to present a randomly-selected stage performance in front of a live audience, including each other.
The girls, bless them, were suitably deplorable, mixing the gymnastic skills of a drunk Sumo wrestler with the ineptitude of a second-half performance by the Wallabies rugby team.
My wife assured me it was “golden”.
Amy, despite living with a born comedian, said “it was the funniest thing I had ever seen”.
Judges and radio show hosts Jason Gunn and Jay-Jay Feeney concurred, announcing Clown Girls In The Ring as the winners, much to the incredulity of many, particularly Block host Mark Richardson and at least one TV viewer.
Clown Girls In The Ring not only won $10,000 worth of tradie hours — and out of all the teams, they are probably the ones that need it the most — they also earned the right to knock one team out of this Sunday’s Room Reveal.
At the start of the week, it was all but a certainty that if high-flying Yellow (Amy and Stu) did not win Block Stars, they would be the team sitting on the Room Reveal reserves bench peeling the halftime oranges.
With five RR victories under their belt and an obvious affinity for what the judges are looking for, anything — bar arson — is needed to stem the Yellow victory flow.
But as William Shakespeare wrote:“If money goes before, all ways do lie open”.
Yellow are standing in quicksand but there are jungle vines in sight.
Amy pounces with the speed of a cheetah chasing an antelope.
If the girls remove Team Orange’s Claire and Agni from RR, she says to Chlo, and Yellow are judged the winners, they will give Clown Girls In The Ring the $5000 first prize (which goes towards a team’s $120,000 budget).
For Yellow, it’s all about the means to the end. No judging means they can’t further enhance their already-impressive reputation for quality and style.
They’re at the top of their game and they like the view.
Amy coats the offer with her belief that if Yellow get the axe, Orange will “probably win”.
With Orange out of the picture, it gives Clown Girls In The Ring a two-out-of-three chance of collecting the dosh.
The only team standing in their way will be Blue Team’s Ben and Tom.
Amy doesn’t appear to see them as a threat although with this week’s room — the garage and storage space — being the least creative of the series so far, it is the style-void boys’ best chance so far.
Blue and the ever-suspicious Agni are on to Yellow’s survival bid.
“As long as four (as in House 4, Yellow) don’t get a dime, I don’t care,” says Agni, whose Lord of the Rings-like quest to bring down Yellow is at such an all-time high that it would be no surprise to find wax voodoo dolls of Stu and Amy peppered with pins in the Team Orange house.
Agni suggests ejecting Yellow and the other three teams splitting the pot, whoever wins.
The girls say they feel trapped between their need for the money and “wanting to keep our morals”, although it could be pointed out their morals were stowed at the bottom of their suitcase when they gave everyone a 1 when teams judged each other’s rooms in an earlier episode.
Purple go to a voice of reason, their builder James, who puts it to them straight.
“Screw people’s feelings . . . we gotta win this, we need that extra $5k.”
Clown Girls are certainly in the ring and someone’s about to be fired out of a cannon.
Pass the popcorn.